knitting, cats, infertility, music, life… not necessarily in that order

As suspected…

July 22nd, 2008 Posted in Barren & Bitter, Girl Trouble | 1 Comment »

…the pee stick was a BFN. I knew that would be the case, and really only did it because I figured that having a beer last night would be irresponsible without making sure that it was negative.

So, I’m going with perimenopause. I’ve done a bit of research with Dr. Google and I’m definitely at an age where it can begin. That doesn’t mean I’m entering menopause, just that my fertility is declining, which, you know, DUH.

Shocker

July 21st, 2008 Posted in Entertain Me | 4 Comments »

I know a guy who’s bitching and moaning, a lot, about how The Dark Knight is really dark.

If only there’d been some clue so he would have known in advance. They should have made some kind of note about it in the movie title.

My Body: Never a Dull Moment

July 21st, 2008 Posted in Barren & Bitter, Girl Trouble | 4 Comments »

Today is day 27 of my normally 24-day cycle. There’s no sign of impending blood. (Don’t ask how I know that, you don’t want to know how I know, but I do.) I do have some breast tenderness, though mild, and a bit of light cramping.

So let’s play multiple choice. This is all brought on by:

A) Late ovulation
B) Perimenopause
C) Some new and fun wrench thrown into my works by the cysts
D) Possibly recurrance of the cancer thing
E) That word I won’t say

I’m going with B, myself, and E is right out of there. I won’t even let myself really consider E. But I’m still going to pee on a stick, if for no other reason than to reassure myself that it’s okay to keep drinking. (And let’s not forget the well-known correlation between peeing on sticks and the arrival of periods.)

My body must think it’s hillarious to fuck with my head.

(Semi-)Daily Gratitude #8

July 18th, 2008 Posted in Grateful | No Comments »

Today I’m grateful for my health.

Yeah, I know I moan and complain about my health a lot, sometimes even with legitimate reasons, but I’m generally pretty healthy, and I’m really thankful for that. The infertility sucks, and the cancer thing sucks, but even if it turns out that the cancer thing is back, all I’ll have to do is have some surgery and that will be that. It would suck, but I’d be alive and even untreated, I’d still live.

There’s a guy on a message board I read who is slowly being eaten alive by cancer. He posts updates now and again and the latest is not encouraging. He’s dying a slow, painful death, and this has been going on for a year.  Since the birth of his daughter, as a matter of fact. If I remember correctly, he was having his first chemo while his infant girl was still in the hospital, and she’s over a year old now. Through it all, he has defined grace, strength, and courage. Even though he’s in pain every day, terrible pain, he gets up and takes care of the house and baby while his wife goes out and works her ass off to make sure they have an income and health care. These people are my heroes.

And so today I’m grateful for the health that I’m blessed with, so that I don’t have to be as graceful, strong, or courageous as J. and his wife. or live each day in excruciating pain. This is a gift.

Introducing: Pincasor

July 17th, 2008 Posted in Entertain Me | No Comments »

I’ve been playing around with the Spore Creature Generator.

I cannot WAIT for this game.

What’s it doing there? Standing.

July 15th, 2008 Posted in Attics of My Life, Travel | 5 Comments »

I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that Scott snores. Loudly. Very, very loudly. I’ve probably also mentioned that ear plugs saved my marriage. Last weekend, however, I made the mistake of forgetting to pack ear plugs when we went away to Pittsburgh for the weekend. Huge, huge, huge mistake.

We had a horrible night Friday night. Between the hours of midnight and 6am, I must have hit him 15 times. Every 20 minutes or so, I would start dropping off into sleep, and then he would start snoring again. Loudly. That jerked me awake and made me shove him between the shoulder blades to shut him up. Then the cycle would start again. Once in a while, I threw in a “shut UP” just for giggles and to change things up a little.

Finally, around 6:15, it got really quiet. Relieved, I snuggled down into the covers and started to drift off into blessed sleep, only to have my eyes snap open 5 minutes later. It was TOO quiet, and when it’s too quiet, I usually get a sick feeling that Scott has died and I have to wake up to check. When I opened my eyes this time, though, it was to see that his side of the bed was empty. I scanned the room and saw him standing near the doorway. Just standing there.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Standing,” he replied.

‘Why?”

“I wanted you to be able to sleep, and if I stayed in bed, I’d snore. And if I sit in a chair, I’ll fall asleep and I’ll snore. And I was going to lay in the tub with a pillow and sleep in there, but I thought the tile might make the snoring echo. So I couldn’t think of anything else to do, so I’m standing.”

I don’t know how long he planned to stand there like that, but he’d already been there for the whole 5 minutes it was quiet!

I started laughing, because I didn’t know what else to do, then invited him to lay back down and cuddle, telling him how sweet it was that he was willing to stand quietly in the middle of a room for gods know how long so that I could get a little bit of uninterrupted sleep. Amazingly, the snoring got better for the next couple of hours, and we both were able to get a little sleep.

The first thing we did Saturday morning was hit a CVS to buy ear plugs.

Flutterings #16

July 9th, 2008 Posted in ABC-Along, Attics of My Life, Barren & Bitter, Sticks & Strings, Travel | 2 Comments »

I haven’t been blogging much lately, mainly because I’m so overwhelmed by being so far behind in the ABC-Along. Every time I think of something I’d like to write about, I think about the letter H and I freeze. Which is nuts, when you think about it, considering that the ABC-Along is meant to be fun! So I’m going to set aside anxiety over that and try to post more often about other things.


On the knitting front, I was recently struck with a serious case of finish-itis. Yes, that’s finish-itis, not start-itis.Arwen, the hooded scarf, and Scott’s socks are all done. I’m more than half-finished with the crochet border on Lizard Ridge, leaving only the log cabin crazy quilt, which is going to be an ongoing project to use up scraps of worsted. The only thing keeping me from marking things as completed in Ravelry is that I want to get photos of them first.

I’ve such a case of fnish-itis that I even just brought my Top Down Raglan Shrug out to the living room to re-knit the sleeves. I’ve never been happy with the straight edge of the bind off and I’ve always wanted to re-knit the cuffs. I added lace cuffs that should have been knitted bottom up and knit them top down, which ruined what should have been a pretty scalloped edge. Since I’m going to re-knit anyway, I may also shorten the sleeves to above the elbow.


Last weekend, my mother and her husband spent the weekend in the city. We saw them on the 4th - and on Sunday, but on City Island - at the Millenium Hilton downtown. They had a suite there and they got Scott and me a room for the night, so we were able to sit in the room and watch the fireworks over the East River. The windows opened a little, so we were even able to hear the booms. It was really a nice way to spend Independence Day.


This weekend, we’ll be in Pittsburgh. We drive out on Friday and home on Sunday.Scott’s mother got married in January in a small ceremony with no reception. This Saturday they’re having what I thought was to be their reception, but they’re calling it a family reunion. Scott and I have never met her husband, and this weekend will be inundated with his entire family, so it should be interesting. It’s strange for Scott, since neither he nor any of his three siblings have children - we’re the only ones who ever really wanted to, and Scott’s the youngest of them all at 45 - but his mother’s new husband has kids and grandkids and great-grandchildren galore.

I think Scott’s mother is a little, I don’t know, embarrassed maybe is the word, that she has no grandchildren to show off to her husband’s family. As a result, she’s been asking us about the IVF stuff a lot more frequently lately, even though before the new husband, she changed the subject immediately whenever Scott mentioned any of our plans for adoption or IVF. She never wanted grandchildren and was happy before that none of her kids had children. This is a real turnaround, and Scott and I are her only hope. It’s weird, to say the least.

(Semi-)Daily Gratitude #7

July 2nd, 2008 Posted in Grateful | 1 Comment »

Today I’m grateful that I live in a city with a great public transportation system.

While we’re definitely feeling the pinch of the economy these days - groceries are crazy expensive, our rent went up 10% this year, our electricity bill gets higher all the time - one area where we haven’t felt it very keenly is with gas. The reason for that is that Scott takes the subway to work and I work at home. So while it hurt when we hit our first $40 fill-up - small car, small tank - it doesn’t hurt so badly since we only have to do that every 2 weeks or so.

Depressing…

July 1st, 2008 Posted in Attics of My Life, Travel | 2 Comments »

…is having a friend who’s renting a villa in Tuscany for the entire month of August and being invited to spend time there, but having a travel moratorium in place due to budget issues.

I wanna go to Tuscany.

Whine.

McDonald’s Offends Devo

June 30th, 2008 Posted in Hit Me With Music, That Shinin' Ball of Blue | 1 Comment »

This quote from the article cracked me up:

“This New Wave Nigel doll that they’ve created is just a complete Devo rip-off and the red hat is exactly the red hat that I designed, and it’s copyrighted and trademarked.

“They didn’t ask us anything. Plus, we don’t like McDonald’s, and we don’t like American Idol, so we’re doubly offended.”